“No matter what you’ve been through, remember you’re still here. You’re
a survivor, and some little girl needs to know your recipe for survival. She doesn’t
need to hear about your successes; she needs to hear about your failures.
Somewhere in the streets, there is someone dying because they do not know that
it is possible to live through what you have already endured. You are a
precious commodity. You are the cure to the crises. **Could it be that you went
through all you have so that you could help someone else?” TD Jakes
I get it, I get it. You’re all
sick of all of my TD Jakes quotes eh?? Sorry Charlies, but I just cannot stop.
Half way through one book (because I’ve been sucking at finishing it) and I’m
in love with his wisdom.
There are days I feel so on top
of the world. Days where everything makes sense and I have insane faith in my
journey and where I am headed. Days that I can’t stop smiling. Days where
everything feels just right.
But a lot of other days… I’m
still very lost. As a human, I thrive off from instant gratification. And my
life does NOT like to satisfy that for me.
Tonight I took the back roads home
from dropping Grant off to his dad’s house. The weather had quickly turned to
crap and the roads were extremely slick. No surprise that the first real curve
I saw a minivan that had gone off the road and into the trees. So I said, “That
sucks” And kept driving.
KIDDING! Gosh people who do you
think I am?! I drove down a bit further from the curve and approached the van
to find two young girls crying, but not even a scratch on them. I had them sit
with me in my car to stay warm while we waited for a tow truck and their
parents, and as I sat in the car with the two girls I couldn’t help but to be nosy
and ask them to tell me about themselves. They explained that they had a huge
group of friends that were working on a group project together and that’s where
they had come from. The girl that had been driving explained she just received her
license this summer and this was now her second accident. (rut-ruh raggy) Tow truck came, parents came, I said Adios.
Not even a half mile down the
road I was crying. I’m not sure what about two girls who were PERFECTLY FINE
sitting so innocently in my car after crashing mom’s minivan made me cry, but
it did. I think some days’ life sits a bit heavier on my chest then others. And
nights like tonight when I realize how much differently I lived my adolescent years
than what I should have tend to break my heart a little bit.
I made a choice to move out of my
father’s home when I was 14. A choice that resulted in me bouncing around way
more than I would like to say aside from a couple years spent with a friend’s
family who became my own. Indulging on details can be left for another day.
What I will tell you is that life has been a struggle. I haven’t exactly made
choices that have put any sort of ease into my life. Heck, I was a Mother by
the age of 19!
But I will tell you this.
I have conquered life. I have
conquered so many demons that came at me from others. I have conquered demons
that came from within myself. I have failed miserably more times than not. But
I have always continued to move forward. I am here today ONLY because I didn’t
for one second quit trying to better my life and then the life that now encompasses
a handsome 7-year-old boy.
The secret? You just don’t
stop. EVER. You don’t ever give up. (I actually got a matching
tattoo with my best friend at 18 that says ‘Never give up’ how cliché right?)
And gosh dag-nabbit, you find that Jesus dude. It’s true what they say ya know,
sometimes when you’re looking for a hero, you just have to turn into your own.
I have decided this year that my life mission, my life purpose… is to help
others. I have said it before and I will say it again. All I need out of this
life is for my son to have the world and more, and for me to reach the
unreachable. I want to tell little girls around the world my story. The story that
started at birth with two un-wed parents. The story of a little girl who came
from a very broken home and whose mother was so easily proven un-fit in a two
week period. The story of a girl who’s mother brought her to work with her at
the strip clubs, & to old men’s homes she went to so she could prostitute
herself.
Ah, the list of stories is
endless my friends. And I want to share it with every broken little girl.
Because let me tell you something. Bent babies DO NOT have to turn into Broken
Ladies. This life is all your own. You were bought at an extremely high price
when that Jesus dude died on the cross for you. So don’t for one second you
forget your worth or accept treatment that is not as your Father in Heaven
would wish for you.
I love you all. So much. So
dearly. I wasn’t sure where any of this was going tonight or if it went
anywhere at all, but as always… I’m here for you.
When
you go through deep waters, I will be with you
Isaiah
43|2
