10:00 pm – Decided I wanted to go on that trip up north I was going to
take after all. 10:30 pm – Met a friend at a gas station and threw all our
clothes in the trunk, and blankets in the back seat. 11:00 pm – Got on the
highway to drive north to the Mackinaw Bridge.
Although the plan of exploring the International Dark Sky Park at 3 am
failed miserably when I almost peed my pants (due to a statue of some girl in
the very beginning of the pitch black trail into the woods) I had an incredible
past 24 hours. We parked the car right next to the Mighty Mac at 4 am &
curled up in the front seats with our blankets. I’ve never really done
something of this manner spur of the moment. It felt amazing.
I spent my day exploring Mackinaw Island for the first time in anywhere
from 12 to 15 years. This including getting lost in the trails and accidently
walking literally half of the island before figuring out how to get out of the
woods… There was mild conversation here and there, but truthfully for the most
part we didn’t speak. We both just walked. I had moments of clarity, moments of
taking in the scenery and even moments where I was focusing on my breathing
because my anxiety kept attacking.
I don’t know what I’m doing most days. What I’m working on is
understanding that it’s not completely in my hands. What’s relieving is that it
doesn’t have to be. I have spent so much time the past few days trying to
figure out my next move. In multiple situations. I’ve exhausted myself mentally
trying to figure out how I can avoid what I want to and embrace the rest… I’m
trying to quit doing that.
I wish that I could say I went on this trip and left feeling completely rejuvenated.
If I said that it would be a lie. I will say that the most relaxing moment I
have had mentally the past few days came when I dropped my friend off after our
trip tonight and literally out loud started telling God I need peace. I need
mental peace. I need mental clarity. I need obvious signs of the direction in
which God wants me to be going. I drove home asking him for these things and
crying. I’m still sad and lost and freaking out, but I feel that small sense of
peace I didn’t have when I woke up this morning.
My point is that this is a journey folks. Not a race. There is no magic
cure, but thankfully tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow is Sunday! My favorite day
where I get to serve God in the children’s ministry at church and then spend
some of the best one on one time with that Jesus dude. Plus you guys…!!!!
Tomorrow I have a friend and her mom joining me at church for the first time!
Exciting I know. Maybe next time you’ll join??
Pray for me this week. I still have so much
chaos around me.
And as usual, if you need me, I’m here.
I hope you enjoy some of my photos from my
trip on the island today!
“Many plans are in a man’s mind, but it is
the Lord’s purpose for him that will stand.”
Proverbs 19|21
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