You Are A Precious Commodity

“No matter what you’ve been through, remember you’re still here. You’re a survivor, and some little girl needs to know your recipe for survival. She doesn’t need to hear about your successes; she needs to hear about your failures. Somewhere in the streets, there is someone dying because they do not know that it is possible to live through what you have already endured. You are a precious commodity. You are the cure to the crises. **Could it be that you went through all you have so that you could help someone else?” TD Jakes

I get it, I get it. You’re all sick of all of my TD Jakes quotes eh?? Sorry Charlies, but I just cannot stop. Half way through one book (because I’ve been sucking at finishing it) and I’m in love with his wisdom.

There are days I feel so on top of the world. Days where everything makes sense and I have insane faith in my journey and where I am headed. Days that I can’t stop smiling. Days where everything feels just right.

But a lot of other days… I’m still very lost. As a human, I thrive off from instant gratification. And my life does NOT like to satisfy that for me.

Tonight I took the back roads home from dropping Grant off to his dad’s house. The weather had quickly turned to crap and the roads were extremely slick. No surprise that the first real curve I saw a minivan that had gone off the road and into the trees. So I said, “That sucks” And kept driving.

KIDDING! Gosh people who do you think I am?! I drove down a bit further from the curve and approached the van to find two young girls crying, but not even a scratch on them. I had them sit with me in my car to stay warm while we waited for a tow truck and their parents, and as I sat in the car with the two girls I couldn’t help but to be nosy and ask them to tell me about themselves. They explained that they had a huge group of friends that were working on a group project together and that’s where they had come from. The girl that had been driving explained she just received her license this summer and this was now her second accident. (rut-ruh raggy) Tow truck came, parents came, I said Adios.

Not even a half mile down the road I was crying. I’m not sure what about two girls who were PERFECTLY FINE sitting so innocently in my car after crashing mom’s minivan made me cry, but it did. I think some days’ life sits a bit heavier on my chest then others. And nights like tonight when I realize how much differently I lived my adolescent years than what I should have tend to break my heart a little bit.

I made a choice to move out of my father’s home when I was 14. A choice that resulted in me bouncing around way more than I would like to say aside from a couple years spent with a friend’s family who became my own. Indulging on details can be left for another day. What I will tell you is that life has been a struggle. I haven’t exactly made choices that have put any sort of ease into my life. Heck, I was a Mother by the age of 19!

But I will tell you this.

I have conquered life. I have conquered so many demons that came at me from others. I have conquered demons that came from within myself. I have failed miserably more times than not. But I have always continued to move forward. I am here today ONLY because I didn’t for one second quit trying to better my life and then the life that now encompasses a handsome 7-year-old boy.

The secret? You just don’t stop. EVER. You don’t ever give up. (I actually got a matching tattoo with my best friend at 18 that says ‘Never give up’ how cliché right?) And gosh dag-nabbit, you find that Jesus dude. It’s true what they say ya know, sometimes when you’re looking for a hero, you just have to turn into your own. I have decided this year that my life mission, my life purpose… is to help others. I have said it before and I will say it again. All I need out of this life is for my son to have the world and more, and for me to reach the unreachable. I want to tell little girls around the world my story. The story that started at birth with two un-wed parents. The story of a little girl who came from a very broken home and whose mother was so easily proven un-fit in a two week period. The story of a girl who’s mother brought her to work with her at the strip clubs, & to old men’s homes she went to so she could prostitute herself.

Ah, the list of stories is endless my friends. And I want to share it with every broken little girl. Because let me tell you something. Bent babies DO NOT have to turn into Broken Ladies. This life is all your own. You were bought at an extremely high price when that Jesus dude died on the cross for you. So don’t for one second you forget your worth or accept treatment that is not as your Father in Heaven would wish for you.

I love you all. So much. So dearly. I wasn’t sure where any of this was going tonight or if it went anywhere at all, but as always… I’m here for you.

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you

Isaiah 43|2