(This is Larry -He works at the dealership & came to rescue us today when the car broke down. Thanks Larry for being a light in my day)
I want to be honest, I’m
completely clueless. I try to live my daily life as if I have it all figured
out. You know, “fake it till you make it” kind of thing?? That motto is more
than obviously not working for me. So let’s try something new.
I haven’t made a post in far too long. I didn’t know what to say. I was
fired, and dumped all in a matter of a couple of days, I was lost, broken,
searching for answers I wasn’t going to be given and have yet to be given. I felt
as if I started out this blog so powerfully and I didn’t want to let anyone’s
expectations down… But if this is going to be really about my journey then it
must be as beautifully flawed as myself. Remember that blog where I said my one
friend always says everything happens to me at once?! WAAALLLAAAAA! Fired,
dumped, and two weeks later, my son is sick, and my two-week old car random
breaks down.
I have to just laugh. I literally pulled over in the middle of the road
today when my car started acting up with two pregnant girls (one being the birthday
girl) a seven-year-old boy and a dog and myself in my car and was speechless. I
was momentarily very short tempered and then just laughed when we got picked up
to get a loaner car. What more can I do at this point?
I went from the new Jake from State Farm, young mom with a new career,
in school for nursing, with an athletic smart handsome boy, and a relationship
that was from what I was aware was fabulous ----> to this young mom who felt shattered, sad,
insanely scatter brained… my anxiety made my insides burn for a week straight. I
didn’t have a job, I lost someone who I had thought was very dear to my life
and unfortunately that’s all that I could focus on. I couldn’t seem to see the
light in the day. I was floating through my days with puffy eyes and a belly
ache.
I’m not here to tell you things have turned around for me. Not just yet
anyways… I had to do some serious soul searching. In fact, I’m still working on
doing some serious prayer for guidance. I know where my heart lies. I know that
God has a plan for my life much bigger than is clear to me at the moment. I
know that God will provide and that as long as I follow him wisely things will
brighten up. I decided to quit trying to do as much career wise. I took a part
time position at a new local organic food store in town, and I’m going to
focus on school. The next couple years shall be hard financially, but for me it
wasn’t working to hold a career while attending school for my chosen career
while being mom and actively working on my walk with that Jesus dude. So as of
now, I shall work part time, focus on school, attend to every need of my
blessing of a son, be a BA and bust out this new barbell class, and of course
keep working on my relationship with the Lord.
I DON’T KNOW WHAT IM DOING. I know that I’m praying for guidance. I’m
asking for peace. I’m working on staying graceful to everyone and myself. I’m
opening my arms to old friends, and embracing my closest friends, and I’m
thankful for newer friends. I know that I want to get back to myself. I don’t
want to keep being sad. For the most part my days are feeling a lot lighter,
but I still feel very hurt and I get teary eyed at the simplest of things. I’m
working on it. I know time shall heal. I know that I have been through worse, I
have overcome things much bigger than this. This is God wrecking my plans
before they wrecked me yet again. So I will stay faithful. I’m always staying
faithful, that someday all of this chaos and pain is going to prove to have
been so worth it.
My advice today? Pray. Pray about everything. Pray when you’re feeling whatever it is that you're feeling. Ask for guidance. Ask that Jesus dude to take your pain, your fear, your
anxiety. And gosh dag-nabbit, please be kind to people. The world needs more
kindness to others. Go that extra mile for someone today. Tomorrow. Every
chance you get.
BE THE LIGHT IN A DARK WORLD.
As always, I’m here if you need me. I know I
need all of you. xoxo
